I'm always looking right to you

To the faithful God who loves me

I’ve had so much going on in my life and mind lately and others have pointed it out although I haven’t expressed it to anyone. I don’t want to complain about it, just let it go, but I’m apprehensive. I know that God will understand everything I have to tell him, after all he already knows my heart. He just needs me to express everything to him without reservations. I hate that I don’t feel like I’m being honest with him when I pray. I just can’t let myself tell him what is going on. It’s too difficult. But how can I expect him to help me if I don’t give him a chance? I’m trying hard, to learn how to be open with God. Written prayer always helps, so blammmm…

“Padre todo poderoso, te adoro con toda mi alma. Muchas veses no se que hacer con mi misa. Tengo reservasiones de ser completamente honesta con used y con otra gente. Quiero poder hablar con usted sin tener temor de ser jusgada. Heavenly father, I struggle with letting out my pain. I feel so lost when I do. I lose all sense of control in my life. I want to learn to love you in the way you deserve. I don’t give you all the praise that you deserve and yet you still continue to bless me with more than I deserve from you. God, you are good. You are my savior. You stand before me with your arms extended and don’t care that I’m dirty. You want to cleanse me and have waited for me to accept you into my life. I don’t want to love you halfheartedly; I just need to get over my fear of accepting the realities of life. Things I’ve done, things that have been done to me are real. It doesn’t do me any good to hide from my experiences. I might as well start owning up to my wrong doings and accept and move past the wrongs that have been done to me. Heavenly father, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to accept your grace. Thank you for standing by me. You are wonderful God, your love is all encompassing and your mercy great. In your name I pray. Amen.”

Voice

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

I got this in a text this morning right after class. I felt great all day(: I liked that it went along the same lines of a christian book I’ve been reading . When messages I get are confirmed by multiple sources I know God is speaking to me through those multiple sources. It isn’t a coincidence, it’s just a prove fact from Him. I didn’t understand what it meant to have God speak to me, but I’m beginning to understand some of the ways God chooses to help me grow in my faith.

He > I

“I don’t understand, but I thank you. I don’t understand, but you are good. You are taking this away because you have something better in store for me. I trust and love you God.”

Although I don’t always see how the things that God does for me are positive I’m going to be more accepting of them. I’ve had difficulty dealing with the things he takes from me. I have to remember to let him take what he feels is in my best interest even though I may not see how it will benefit me in the long run. He is the all powerful, all knowing Lord. He knows me at my best and my worst. He knows me in ways that I haven’t even begun to discover. When he has something wonderful planned I just need to have patience. I need to let make the decisions and fully trust in him.

My first written prayer

So most of us pray right? I’ve been terrified of praying out loud for the longest time. I can’t fully articulate what I want to pray about. I usually need to write it down, so that my words flow in the direction and way that I want them to. But the word choice and majestic sound of my words shouldn’t make a difference to me just praying right?

Of course it shouldn’t. However, sometimes I get so wrapped up in not sounding stupid, that I’d rather not say anything at all.

Werid isn’t it? How did I go from being super outgoing to the ‘introvert’; who is afraid of speaking her mind. I’ve always been able to be who I need to be in one situation or the other, but I’ve begun to lose myself in being everyone at once that things that essentially made me, me are disappearing. Anyhow, here was my first written prayer that I put in my journal after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and opened my heart up to him.

“Dear Heavenly father, I praise you. I thank you for the beauty that sprouts from within you. I pray that I take the correct paths and love the right people. Amen.”

I love Jesus, and I don’t want to leave anything unsaid. But he knows my heart and although I don’t always use the most intricate language, I know he understands. And it shouldn’t matter how I pray as long as I do it wholeheartedly and openly.